Operation I'm a Dinner Jacket

Been away for a spell...let's open with a joke:

Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad calls President Bush and tells him, "George, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner."

"What did it say on the banners?" Bush asks. Mahmoud replies, "UNITED STATES OF IRAN."

Bush says, "You know, Mahmoud, I am really happy you called, because believe it or not, last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Tehran, and it was more beautiful than ever, and on each house flew an enormous banner."

"What did it say on the banners?" Mahmud asks.

Bush replies, "I don't know. I can't read Hebrew."


Every now and again I send a little something, referencing Iran, to those with a sizable audience. It is primarily therapeutic for me, perhaps entertaining for them and generally ignored by all. Referencing Maureen Dowd's piece on the visit to Columbia University by the president of Iran, I sent her a letter directly. Still not eating, lest my mouth be full and chewing when she calls...her Op-Ed is available here:


September 26, 2007

Dear Ms. Dowd:

Really enjoyed today's piece - your writing is always an insightful treat to read.

The speeches at Columbia were both very interesting; the heartfelt, long-winded and wholly inappropriate one by Bollinger as well as the follow-up by that little Persimian fella (a fruity sort of hybrid, the half-Persian, half-simian; and full of rhetoric poised to inflame...though not to be confused with anything else flaming or fruity in Iran, which doesn't exist anyway...), and (yes, it's a tad offensive, but only in the sense that it may unfairly paint other simians with too broad a brush...and our own Darwinian testimonial is hardly helping: unlike Bush, "Dinner Jacket" appears to have actually paid attention in class...), having watched the whole thing from Holocaust comprehension being likened to the study of physics to the entirely accurate recounting of how the U.S. supported Hussein in the Iran / Iraq war, at least one relevant two-part question never made it to the index cards we heard:

a) Would you, Mr President, allow ongoing studies to certify that the Iran / Iraq war did in fact occur with the levels of lost and wounded lives you are stating as fact here today, and would you consider it acceptable scientific conduct if there was an Iran / Iraq War Denial Symposium held in the West?

b) If the previous question strikes you as a waste of both time and academic resources since you lived through the Iran / Iraq war, do you see how denying the Holocaust while there are still people alive that lived through it therefore makes you look retarded, and that we couldn't possibly allow two retarded presidents to play with nuclear material at the same time?

Peter Galbraith is quite right in his assessment of Iran, as he is about partitioning Iraq, even if the latter is unrealistic sans a fourth nation-state be carved out around Basra (United Exxon Emirates?). It doesn't appear that we will be departing from the region for a generation, perhaps two.

Please do keep up the good work, as your approach is very much appreciated and your humor necessary. Your lacerating observations on the ineptitude and malfeasance of this administration are a quick shot of sustenance in the morning, and helpful even when it appears certain that we're all topside watching that iceberg rapidly increase in girth while lucrative contracts to build inefficient deck chairs are doled out left and right...and the captain off somewhere red-lining his neural pathways on whether the day feels more Cool Ranch or Spicy Nacho...

At times it seems so clear that it is we who are a nation of dimwitted fruitbats, our biggest renewable energy source being chronic myopia year after year. Yet we still possess a paper, your paper, whose Op-Eds one day contain the shameful piece of fiction by Paul Bremer regarding the dissolution of the Baath party and the Iraqi army, and another furnish us with Charles Ferguson's excellent rebuttal. Not yet possible in Iranian media, that much diversity. Though when compared with the turnout for this summer's Pride Parade in Tehran...

Sincerely,


PT
Seattle, Washington


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